Let's be clear right away:
You don't handle money poorly.
You're not damaged. You're not in the rear. You have hope.
You're human if you've had trouble with debt, emotional spending, budgeting, or avoidance. The majority of us were not taught how to have a positive, shame-free relationship with money, and that is the truth.
We learned how to make money, spend it, and possibly save it, but we weren't taught how to feel about it.
And most certainly not how to recover from the feelings and convictions involved.
Anyone who is prepared to rewrite their financial story with greater empathy, clarity, and bravery should read this post. Without feeling ashamed, let's discuss how to mend your relationship with money.
Let's first discuss what a "money relationship" even means
You have a relationship with money, just as you do with food, people, or even your phone.
It consists of:
Your perspective on money
How you discuss it (or refrain from discussing it)
How you feel about investing, saving, or spending
Which patterns, even when you know better, do you repeat?
Reaching financial objectives is only one aspect of having a positive relationship with money; another is feeling secure, in control, and empowered.
Therefore, if you feel anxious, avoidant, chaotic, or stuck in your relationship with money right now, Let's investigate the cause of that and how to start the healing process.
Why Money Shame Affects So Many of Us
The weight of financial shame is real.
It may sound something like:
"By now, I should be farther along."
"I'm terrible with money."
"I will always be in debt."
"I can't reveal the true mess to anyone."
The truth is that financial issues cannot be resolved by shame. It halts advancement.
Money shame frequently results from:
Growing up in a home where financial concerns were a continual source of anxiety
Making online comparisons with other people
You haven't forgiven yourself for previous financial errors
You've internalized the idea that wealth determines your value.
Furthermore, even the greatest budgeting app won't address the underlying issue until you address that internal narrative.
The 5-Step Process to Heal Your Relationship With Money (Without Shame)
Let’s walk through a healing process that’s gentle, doable, and rooted in self-awareness—not self-judgment.
1. Be Curious, Not Critical
The next time you notice that a financial move you're making doesn't feel right, stop and ask yourself:
"What's actually happening here?"
Is your emotional expenditure a stress-reduction strategy? Are you undersaving because you believe you don't deserve to be financially secure? Because it makes you anxious, are you avoiding your bank account?
This is about being honest in a compassionate manner, not about assigning blame. Change is made possible by curiosity.
2. Compose an Autobiography on Money
This is among the most effective healing tools.
Spend thirty minutes writing in your journal about:
Your first financial memories
What you learned—or didn't learn—about money as a child
How money was discussed in your household
Any significant financial events—such as a loss of employment, debt, scarcity, etc.—that influenced your story?
How you have internalized those encounters
You'll be shocked at how much insight emerges and how freeing it is to put it on paper.
3. Let Go of the Shame and Retell the Story
It's time to change the title of your story.
For instance:
Rather than: "I'm a bad money manager."
Say something like, "I'm learning how to manage money in a way that respects my values."Rather than: "I blew a lot of money in my twenties."
Say: "I'm allowing myself to grow and learning from those lessons."
The first step in repairing your financial relationship is altering your self-talk. You can encourage yourself to change, but you can't punish yourself into advancement.
4. Make a Financial Plan that Prioritizes Safety.
Your nervous system won't work with your spreadsheet if money feels like a threat.
It is crucial to prioritize safety over perfection because of this.
Begin modestly:
If you don't already have an emergency fund, start one with $100.
This month, pick one financial habit to work on, such as checking your balance every Monday.
Make use of budgeting resources that are empowering rather than intimidating.
When you feel comfortable taking things one step at a time, healing occurs.
5. Forgive the Past. Thank You, Present You. Invest in Your Future Self.
Let's discuss forgiveness.
You have changed since you made those previous financial decisions. You've changed. You now know. And now you're coming.
Join me in saying:
"I pardon myself for my ignorance. I'm pleased with myself for coming today.
Next, do one thing that your future self will appreciate, no matter how small:
Terminate the subscription you neglected to renew.
Put $20 into savings.
Take a deep breath and open your credit card statement.
Go through one chapter of a book on money.
Consistently taking small steps results in significant change.
Healing Doesn’t Mean Hustling Harder
To be clear, repairing your relationship with money does not require you to work nonstop or suddenly become extremely frugal.
It indicates:
Making deliberate rather than impulsive purchases
Purposeful saving rather than fear
Making money with assurance rather than scarcity
Speaking candidly and shamelessly about money
Emotional healing is the same as financial healing. And it gets easier to take empowered, aligned action the more you concentrate on that.
The Feeling of a Healed Money Relationship
Picture waking up and looking at your bank account without a constricted chest.
Imagine being guilt-free while purchasing something you truly need.
Consider having an emergency fund out of readiness rather than fear.
That's peace of mind. That's how money heals.
It takes time for it to happen. However, it does occur. And it begins exactly where you are.
Subscribe to Money Tips Money Hacks newsletter—where I go deeper into the mindset side of money, emotional spending strategies, and real-world hacks to grow your financial wellness every Monday and Wednesday.
Concluding Remarks: You're Already Working
The fact that this is being read by you? That you're thinking differently about money and asking these questions?
That's the task.
Being flawless isn't the goal of repairing your relationship with money. It's about living in the moment. regaining your self-confidence. being aware that you have the power to design a future that is consistent with your values, feels safe, and is sustainable.
So let's get rid of the embarrassment. Let's proceed with clarity, empathy, and curiosity.
It's not too late. You're not too far gone. You have only just begun.
❤️ If you find this helpful, leave a heart and share to support my work!
📧 The next column will be on “You Don’t Need Another Sale. You Need Self-Trust.”
These are really good and important thoughts and reminders. Thanks.