I’ve walked into restaurants and walked out with a hungry stomach still. I’ve walked into stores and walked out with nothing.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t hungry.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want something.
I just knew that what was being offered wasn’t what I really wanted in that moment.
It took me years to realize that was more than just indecisiveness. It was a quiet form of self-awareness.
Most people don’t call it that. They might call it being picky or dramatic or hard to please. But when you’ve been emotionally broke before, when you’ve spent money trying to fill a feeling that money can’t fix, you start to recognize the difference between what looks good and what feels right.
That’s the real goal of shopping smart.
It’s not just about saving money.
It’s about spending in alignment.
We don’t talk enough about the gap between what we buy and what we actually need.
Sometimes that $100 haul from Macy’s isn’t really about the items. It’s about control. Or escape. Or trying to anchor ourselves in a version of life that feels like it's slipping through our fingers.
That dinner at the expensive restaurant? Sometimes it’s not because you’re craving that food. You’re craving validation. Rest. Luxury. Proof that you're doing okay.
But here's the hard part to admit: sometimes we swipe, tap, and add to cart... and still walk away feeling empty.
Because the deeper need wasn’t addressed.
That’s what emotionally wealthy people start to see. They pause before spending. They check in, not just with their bank account, but with their body. Their values. Their season of life.
They ask:
Do I really want this? Or do I want something this thing is promising to make me feel?
Let me bring this closer to home.
I remember standing in a store once, holding a new pair of shoes in my hands. They were dope. Clean, versatile, on sale. Everything my ego said was a yes.
But I stood there for a few minutes longer than usual.
Because I knew the version of me who wanted them was chasing a mood.
I wanted to feel fresh. I wanted to feel like I was evolving. I wanted to feel seen.
When your self-worth gets too tied up in the things you purchase, you become dependent on the high of spending instead of the joy of becoming.
You’ll keep needing the next hit. The next fix. The next outfit, upgrade, or flex.
But smart spending, that’s not how it works.
Smart spending says: I could buy this... but do I need to?
Smart spending says: Is this aligned with the kind of life I’m building?
Smart spending asks: If I don’t buy this, what will I have learned about myself?
There’s power in walking away.
Power in knowing what you're looking for, even when you haven’t fully found the words.
That’s what I felt when I left those restaurants. When I skipped out on the store.
I wasn’t just being difficult. I was honoring something I didn’t know how to name back then: the hunger for something real.
Not just food.
Not just a product.
But resonance. Wholeness. A purchase that reflected me back to me.
This is why emotional spending is so sneaky.
Because it’s often wrapped in logic.
“You’ve worked hard, treat yourself.”
“It’s on sale, it would be dumb not to buy it.”
“This will motivate me.”
And sometimes it does.
But more often, it distracts you.
It numbs you just enough to avoid asking the deeper questions.
Why am I really stressed right now?
What am I trying not to feel?
Where do I feel out of control in my life?
Shopping can be self-care. But not when it replaces self-connection.
So how do we shop smarter and feel deeper?
We slow down.
We check in before we check out.
We let go of the need to impress people who don’t know the full story.
We stop treating money like a mirror and start treating it like a magnifier.
If you feel lonely, insecure, or anxious, money won’t fix that.
It will just turn up the volume on whatever’s already there.
But when you spend from a place of peace, presence, and purpose,
That’s when spending becomes an expression, not a cover-up.
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Here’s your invitation.
Next time you feel the urge to spend, pause.
Not to shame yourself. Not to restrict or guilt-trip.
Pause to listen.
Ask yourself:
What do I really want right now?
Is this a craving for comfort, or a call for change?
Will this bring me closer to who I’m becoming or distract me from what I’m avoiding?
Because sometimes walking out of a store empty-handed isn’t a missed opportunity.
It’s self-trust in motion.
It’s clarity.
It’s depth.
And the more you practice it, the more your money starts to reflect the real you, not just the version trying to keep up.
Smart spending isn’t dull. It’s bold.
It says, I don’t have to chase to feel worthy.
It says, I don’t need to perform to feel enough.
It says, I know what I need. And I’m willing to wait for what aligns.
You don’t have to earn the right to shop with intention.
You just have to decide you’re worth more than a temporary fix.
So shop smart.
Feel deeper.
And remember, sometimes the most valuable thing you can buy is time to understand what you’re really searching for.
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Cervante Burrell, M.Ed., CFEI®, is the founder of Money Tips Money Hacks, a financial wellness educator, husband, and proud father dedicated to helping others thrive financially from the inside out.
Its easier (and cheaper) for me to pay extra for delivery than going to the store. At the store, I pick up 3-6 things I wasn't planning on buying! I can add what I need to my cart and forget about it. No temptations I don't need.