Why Treating Yourself Leaves You Feeling Empty
Treats Today, Regrets Tomorrow
You had a rough week.
Your to-do list never stopped growing, your work was exhausting, and you've been juggling too much for too long. So, without blinking, you launch your preferred app, click Add to Cart, and complete the checkout process.
You deserve it, right?
The catch is that this feeling subsides a few hours (or days) later. You're left wondering, "Why am I feeling even more stressed now?" as you look at your bank balance.
You're not a bad financial person, and you're not alone. All you're doing is falling into the emotional spending trap.
What Is Emotional Spending?
Purchasing items to control your feelings rather than to satisfy a genuine need is known as emotional spending. Disguised as a checkout confirmation, it's comfort. Longer-term financial stress is traded for a short-term dopamine rush.
We tend to treat ourselves when we’re:
Stressed or anxious
Bored or overwhelmed
Feeling unappreciated or overworked
Chasing validation or reward
That "treat" isn't always a new outfit or a $5 coffee. Sometimes it's a $300 impulsive buy that you weren't prepared for financially or planned for.
The “I Deserve This” Myth
The harsh reality is that you do deserve good things, but not at the expense of your progress or tranquility.
In the moment, saying, "I deserve this," feels empowering. After overcoming a difficult day or month, you're reaffirming your value. However, it turns into a vicious cycle if it is linked to spending money you don't have or giving up on your financial objectives.
Spending money becomes a substitute for rest, boundaries, and self-care.
And here’s what most people don’t realize: the emotional high of buying something fades fast, but the financial hangover lingers.
Why It Leaves You Feeling Empty
Let's examine it from an emotional and psychological perspective.
1. It’s a Temporary Fix for a Deeper Need
Treating yourself when you’re emotionally drained is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone. It might look better temporarily, but the pain is still underneath.
You really want peace, connection, validation, or a break, not a new device or a night out. However, we've been conditioned to think that purchasing something will close that gap.
2. You’re Borrowing From Tomorrow
Guilt frequently follows the excitement of a purchase, particularly if the funds were intended for debt, savings, or bills. Impulsive self-gratification frequently deprives your future self.
It’s hard to feel relaxed or proud when you know a financial consequence is just around the corner.
3. You’re Measuring Joy by Spending
Joy is frequently promoted to us through products in our consumer-driven society. However, experiences, alignment, and intentionality are often the sources of long-lasting joy rather than material possessions.
Buying without intention often leads to a cluttered closet and a cluttered mind.
How to Know You’re Stuck in the Emotional Spending Loop
Ask yourself:
Do I shop when I feel overwhelmed or stressed?
Do I tell myself “I deserve it” even when I can’t afford it?
Do I feel regret, guilt, or anxiety after treating myself?
Do I keep buying things, but never feel truly fulfilled?
If you said yes to any of the above, it’s time to rethink what treating yourself really means.
What to Do Instead: Healthy Ways to Reward Yourself
Redefining joy in a way that is consistent with your financial objectives and emotional health is more important than doing away with it.
Here’s how:
1. Set a “Joy Budget”
Create a line in your budget just for treats. Even if it’s $20 a month, it gives you the freedom to say “yes” without the guilt.
You’ll still enjoy the experience, but now it’s intentional, not impulsive.
2. Pause Before You Purchase
Give yourself 24 hours (or even 30 minutes) to think about the purchase. Ask:
Is this meeting an emotional need?
Will I still want this tomorrow?
Is it aligned with my financial goals?
That small pause can save you hundreds over time.
3. Reward Yourself Without Spending
You’d be surprised how many free or low-cost ways there are to feel good:
A walk in nature
Journaling or a guided meditation
Calling a friend
Decluttering a space
Making a homemade latte and enjoying it in silence
Real rest doesn’t always come from retail therapy.
4. Name the Emotion, Not Just the Expense
Next time you’re tempted to treat yourself, ask: What am I really feeling right now?
Sometimes the cycle can be broken just by admitting that you're burned out or overwhelmed. From there, you can provide yourself with the attention you truly require, rather than just the short-term boost of a purchase.
Reframing the “Treat Yourself” Mindset
To be clear, you have the right to enjoy your money. Spending is permitted. However, you are also free to stop and consider whether the things you are purchasing are truly helping you live the life you desire.
Use money as a tool to create a life where you don't need to escape as frequently rather than as a means of escaping your reality.
That might mean saving for a weekend trip that truly restores you.
Or investing in therapy, coaching, or skills that help you grow.
Or simply giving yourself grace and permission to rest without spending a dime.
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Final Thoughts
Treating yourself isn't the issue; what matters most is how and why you do it.
It's not a sign of poor money management if you've ever felt empty and broke after a big purchase. It indicates that you are human and that you are navigating a society that is always telling us to spend money in order to feel better.
However, there is a better approach that respects both your financial objectives and your emotional needs.
Therefore, take a moment the next time you hear that tiny voice whispering, "I deserve this." Take a breath. Consider what you truly need, then reward yourself with even more: control, peace, and clarity.
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📧 The next column will be on “5 Ways To Feel Instantly Wealthy.”
Because instant gratification is a debt—it feels like a reward now but charges interest later. True fulfillment comes from growth, not just consumption.